11:13PM

The last few months have been drifty, easy, content. Uni holidays are so bliss. That sounds like an exaggerated word to use when all you've been doing is working or going out and realising you've spent more time doing one (or both) of those than you have in your own home. But really – summer so far has been full. The thing about working is, you get paid. And the thing about getting paid is, you have a good time. Oh yeah... I've learned that I have probably been a terrible saver this past year. I'm trying to do more of it so that maybe one day I can go overseas again. I miss Barcelona and Paris a lot. I also miss America. And somewhere in the middle of all that, I want to explore new places. There's this Parisian bookstore I want to visit again – Shakespeare and Co. I love that place, even though I have only been there because someone on my school trip a few years ago suggested it as an afterthought. The whole place feels like someone tried to fit too many books in too tight a spot. The bookshelves are so high that you reach the ones at the top by climbing a ladder. There is a cramped spiral staircase in one corner, leading up to the second floor where there are more books, but also places to sit. Every inch of the store has the aura of comfort. Old paper, warmth, squeaking wooden floors, cheerful but not raucous chatter. There was a man reading and sipping his coffee on one of the tables upstairs. He looked beautiful. At ease. I left that place very reluctantly, only after I agreed to myself that I would one day return. I didn't realise it then, but that was definitely a karmic relationship. I have had a few of those in my life. I felt it on the information day at my uni, walking through it with the overwhelming feeling of contentment, gazing happily at the gorgeous vine-covered bricks of heritage buildings. I'm glad I like the place and my course so much to be honest, because it makes up for the fact that most of my days there are lonely. I've been thinking a lot about loneliness lately, and I've realised that the ironic thing is that it can follow you everywhere. It's annoying that it can become synonymous with 'alone'. Loneliness is lingering, boring, depressing. Aloneness is refreshing, recharging, reflective. That's another thing I have scarcely done these holidays: allow myself to be alone. I miss it a lot. Once uni starts, I expect it'll go away, but I crave taking the train just to go out for myself. Soon, I want to pack a journal and some pencils in my bag and spend the day out. I'll visit the NGV and learn from the artworks that are in there, rather than just shuffling past some, pausing to look, shuffling, pausing. I'll use my few pencils to recreate aspects of paintings and sculptures I find intriguing, a kind of manually operated photo album. I always want to find new places to eat, too. There's a street – perhaps it's Flinders Lane – that I've been aching to explore on my own. Might do that, or might feel too lazy and just return to Degraves Street and find a small restaurant there. I want to soak up everything atmospherical and just observe. ✦