ESTRAINGE

Rebranding myself – starting with my URL.

I sat down on my bed, defeated by the holiday homework that I should have finished by now and mildly exasperated that I hadn't found any way to satisfyingly waste my time. I decided to see what havoc I could wreak by opening my laptop, legs crossed on top of the covers. I bit my lip – a habit retained from childhood – and thought about what to do, hearing the buzz of the television from the far side of the house but not really listening to the sport commentator's repetitive words. The link to my blog, which I had saved on my home page, seemed to glare at me. I hadn't written in weeks. Perhaps it was the overwhelming sense of guilt that compelled me to click on it, as if I was doing it a favour. I decided to spend the night reading some other blogs, mostly written by teenagers my age, and I came to the conclusion that I was uninspired. 

Just as one falls out of love, I suppose one falls out of inspiration. It was daunting to think that all these people were doing wonderful things with their lives – writing hair-raising pieces and taking stunning photos – and here I was, restless and unable to write. If it was writer's block, a simple self-diagnosis that went away with time, how come I still had it? And how come I had forgotten the very process of writing, as if I was illiterate, when faced with the empty spaces of a digital page? I couldn't help feel a rising jealousy at others who seemed not to share my problems, and was humiliated that I hadn't bothered to solve them. 

I remembered the story I wrote a few days ago, and considered posting that on my blog. No, I reasoned, it was far too personal. It was written on one of the worst nights of my summer, and held more connections to the sad truth than I'd have liked. I constantly felt as if my shoulders were being shaken violently by reality, as if I was in a deep, unaware, innocent slumber. I didn't cry, but I was numb. The only good thing to come from that night would be my writing, which as it turned out, was impeccable as long as I was hurt. The irony.

The following day was bleak. Although I had spent most of my holiday in bed, that day felt different. I listened to songs I believed I would never have to relate to, and couldn't bear the mortification of listening to those that, only a few days prior, seemed to applaud my naïve happiness. The weather was getting hotter but I wasn't going anywhere with my friends. Group get-togethers had, I assumed, slowed down as a way of implying that no one had completed their homework either. 

I decided a few days after that night that I wanted change. I hunted vivaciously, with a new purpose in my eyes, for old Christmas lights and stuck them to the walls of my room, in a fashion not unlike that I'd seen online. I spent hours collecting and delicately cutting images for my room as well, and by the end of it all I was amused by how such little changes could impact my wellbeing. And suddenly, I wanted to write about change and letting go. The idea seemed inspiring and for a moment I felt the familiar twitch to write. Like an excited child running rampant in a sweet shop, my mind was racing with words. Then, thoughts (no doubt prompted by my newly-founded sense of reality) began to invade like a scolding, impatient mother whose child had run away from her. How could I give people advice that I didn't even follow myself? Would it even be worth it? My shoulders slumped as the answer continually slammed itself into the side of my head. "No, no, no, no, no."

* * *

I consider these moments to be the ones that prompted my yearning for change in all facets of my life, including this blog. For a while now, I have felt as though I've been misrepresenting myself on the Internet, and it was becoming difficult not to fall into a cycle of repetitive, boring posts. It starts with my blog name, 'Typed In Style'. Typed In Style. Typed In Style. No matter how many different ways I write it now, the name resonates with me on absolutely no level. For one, I came up with it when I was barely 16, and there's no problem with that, but I am not that person anymore. It's difficult to explain, but I feel like my blog name should represent who I am. Originally, 'Typed In Style' referred to my love for writing, but I look at it now and all I see is a pretentious teenage girl who thinks she's a great writer. And I don't want to be seen like that, because that's not me nor my view of myself. 

estrange |iˈstrānj|

verb [with obj.]

cause (someone) to be no longer close or affectionate to someone; alienate: are you deliberately seeking to estrange your readers?

ORIGIN: late 15th cent.: Old French estranger, from Latin extraneare 'treat as a stranger,' from extraneus 'not belonging to the family,' used as a noun to mean 'stranger.' Compare with STRANGE.

That's the dictionary definition of my new blog name. Actually, it began as my Tumblr URL, and I fell in love with it from there. There are reasons behind my choice of this word, but that's a story for another day.

Of course, there is some housekeeping that needs to occur. All my social media usernames need to be changed, and for some highly unfortunate reason, Bloglovin' does not allow you to delete a blog you've claimed off your profile. This means that I'll have to make a new account and profile, thus losing the followers that I have now. Also, I can't add my new blog link to my new profile yet, because it currently doesn't exist (as I've not changed this URL yet). So, I have only an empty profile that you can follow until I change my URL and get my blog attached to it. All in all, a royal pain in the ass (thanks, Bloglovin'). If you'd like to do that now, click here for my new profile. I have decided to delete the Bloglovin' account that all you guys follow in 3 days. You could also wait until this time on Thursday to follow the new account – the choice is yours.

EDIT: Turns out the lovely staff at Bloglovin' were kind enough to help me keep my account and followers, so no need to fear!!

I'm also thinking of making all my previous posts private. I want to start on a clean slate, and I just can't do that with them there. The only thing is that I'll figuratively 'lose' evidence of the fact that I've been blogging here since October 3rd, 2013. But then I think of change, and I'm inspired again. In 3 days, those will be gone too.

Apart from that, there aren't many more hassles. I will be deleting my Instagram @typedinstyle, and as of right now the Instagram you can follow is @e.strainge, which is active and ready to go. Twitter and Facebook have already been changed, and I'm working to make sure all the links on my sidebar are functional. Oh – almost forgot my email. typedinstyle@gmail.com will be deleted in 3 days. My new email, which is already working, is estrainge@gmail.com. Remember, don't hesitate to email!

"He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery." – Harold Wilson

"If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." – Mary Engelbreit 

"Every beginning is a consequence – every beginning ends some thing." – Paul Valery ✦