ABOUT HIM

You won’t love him at the start. 

You won’t love him at the start. Sometimes, things he says will make you roll your eyes, but you’ll always find him funny. From Day One you’ll have inside jokes. The first will be in a hotel in Paris. Someone will say something stupid, and there will be a ramekin of butter on the table. You’ll both take a spoonful of butter and present it to the person. For some reason, this will be hilarious. 

You won’t be thinking it then, but he will always make you laugh. He’s good at imitating people and contorting his face into ugly shapes, and some days your cheeks will hurt because you’ve laughed so much. He’s a great storyteller, and his rants are your favourite things to listen to. There will always be banter between the two of you. He says your fingers look like twiggy sticks, and you say his head blocks your view of the sunset. Neither of you mean it. You’ll both be smart asses to each other all the time. You will come to take “bitch” as a compliment of your sarcasm. 

There will never be an awkward moment or lack of words, even before you fall in love. In fact, some days, the opposite scenario will arise and you will tell him, in the nicest way you can, to shut up. You’ll never feel like you have to pretend with him. Even when you’re just friends, you’ll stay up until 6am on the phone and have to whisper and blink away sleep because you both don’t want to stop debating and discussing. One day, you’ll be surprised because you have spent over two hours in a restaurant debating about whether makeup is a professional necessity. Debates will almost be a daily occurrence. You’ll like to challenge him and he’ll like the challenge. He’s a quick thinker. You’re a quick fact checker.

Before him, you think you’ll fall in love hard and fast like they do in movies. But you won’t. Love won’t be butterflies. It’ll be a soul-deep affirmation that you’re home with him, no matter where your bodies are. You’ll think it sounds unrealistic, but sometimes you’ll look at him and genuinely struggle to comprehend that he’s another person and not an extension of you. You’ll always be on each other’s wavelengths. You’re both too nervous to do things alone. But if you say, “I will if you will,” he will always do it and you’ll follow, and you’ll both collapse into laughter.

He will surprise you with his kindness. And his selflessness too – even though he’s a Leo. On the mornings he has to wake up early, he’ll drape an extra blanket over you because he knows you get cold. One day he’ll drive all the way to your house with bacon and eggs to make breakfast. He’ll call your work phone and pretend he’s a customer even though you can tell it’s him straight away. He’ll say “I love you,” before he hangs up. He will always kiss you softly, lead you slowly. You need that. You’re a Cancer, ruled by the moon. He’s ruled by the sun. Yin and yang, through and through. 

The two of you will do everything together. Watch ‘The Bachelor’ and eat Teevee snacks. Explore the city on a constantly low Myki. Wake up together and quickly say your dreams before you forget. Play nerdy games for hours. Find new places to eat. Finish each other’s thoughts. Start a food blog. Plan your saving goals. Go on long drives in the Bog Mobile. Disgust each other with farts. Have some of the best laughs in the supermarket aisles.

Sometimes he’ll say the wrong things – he will be presumptive, cocky or condescending. Some days you’ll bicker. One day, he’ll talk to you in a tone you don’t like because you messed up the directions. You’ll try to ignore him, but he’ll always know when something’s off. You used to hold your problems in your palm so tightly that your nails cut into your skin. But he’ll pry open the fingers. He won’t let you push him away. He’ll apologise with wide eyes and a hug. You’ll mess up too. Sometimes you won’t do enough; you will be unaware, uncertain, more private. Your stomach will churn when he turns away from you in annoyance. But he will always forgive you. The two of you will talk it out. Give it a maximum of an hour before you’re both folding in laughter about how stupid the whole thing was.

You won’t know it then, back in Paris. You’d never be able to predict how easily he’ll calm your anxiety, how his brown eyes will always reassure you. You hate crying in front of people, but one day you’ll be able to cry touching noses with him. You’ll realise that you always felt an odd sense of calmness around him – that you could always be your face-making, loud laughing, food-loving self in front of him. ✦