LIFE WAS LIKE A PLASTIC CUP

It's amazing how relative this world is. 

What I wore to the meet-and-greet with The Wombats (read more about that here).

Dread. It's been eating away at me lately, and I can't help but hate the feeling.

It's like a combination of anxiety and fear sitting in the pit of your stomach, reminding you of all the things that are just bound to go wrong. Things that seemed fine before become slowly engulfed in it, and anything to look forward to edges away like a glint of light in a constantly growing tunnel of deep, dark dread. It bubbles and spits acid onto any flailing positive thoughts, and in the end, you just stop doing what you love or what you should be doing because, put simply, it's safer that way. 

One thing dread fails to help you recognise is that you can literally do anything RIGHT THIS SECOND. Life is so fragile and we don't even realise it. You can step onto a road and get killed by a bus, for fuck's sake. It blows my mind how many things we create that can destroy us. But there is so much to live for. There is so much to look forward to in every day - people, places, culture. A bad day is not equivalent to a bad life; it's what we do to pull ourselves out of dread and negative feelings that gives our lives meaning and worth. 

I always wonder about strangers. Whether they are garrulous or reserved, they seem to be in their own worlds. How can someone sitting next to you be so far apart? What has happened in their life - where have they failed and succeeded? What do they love, fear, hate, dread? They are a story waiting to be told, and for a reason I cannot place, it both scares and comforts me. I'm afraid because it puts into perspective how distant and observable and small I may seem to others. And yet at the same time, it consoles me: how interconnected we all are, and how emotionally unique dread is. 

[Side note: I think this is my favourite song by The Kooks. I've pretty much only been listening to their albums 'Konk' and 'Inside In Inside Out' lately. I had downloaded 'Listen' ages ago and stopped at that, but when a friend recommended Konk, it triggered a full-blown Kooks sesh.]

Wasn't it you who said life was like a plastic cup?

To be used and then disposed of?

Yeah, but that's no way to live a life like yours.

This line in the song relates to what I'm trying to say. These feelings of dread, worthlessness, loneliness... they're relative. Subjective. The stories projecting themselves out of people on the train or on the street can be yours, and if you don't like the novel you're reading now, put it down with a heavy heart and pick another from the shelf. ✦